


DVD Extras for My Life as a Teenage Vampire

by lucidscreamer



Series: The Not-Quite-Twilight Saga [3]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Author Commentary, Crack, DVD Extras, Gen, Humor, M/M, Parody, Twilight Parody, not-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-12 01:05:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12947976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucidscreamer/pseuds/lucidscreamer
Summary: A not!fic wrap up for the "My Life as a Teenage Vampire" parody series, including fic snippets from what would have been the final two installments in the series ("The One Where Nothing Happens" and "This Script Broke My Brain") and some author commentary notes.





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

I had intended to write something for each of the _Twilight_ movies, but I ended up never seeing anything after _Eclipse_. And that one is so boring that I literally can never remember what it's about. Does anything even happen in that movie? In my mind, it's literally just a blank filler space.

Based purely on fandom osmosmis, I'd picked up a few ideas about what happened in the later installments in the series, and so had jotted down some things that I thought I might include in the final parts of MLaaTV: The Series.

For those wanting to know what happened next, here is the not-fic wrap-up.

　

**The Moon Covers the Sun**

Yugi found his co-star sprawled on the sofa with the script for the third film in their vampire movie series open on his chest. Clearly, Yami had been trying to read through tomorrow's pages. Just as clearly, like every other time he was snoring by page two.

 _The Moon Covers the Sun_ : sure-fire remedy for insomnia.

Or, as Yami had said on multiple occasions, it should be impossible to construct a movie out of nothinig but stilted dialogue and filler, yet Mai had done it.

Yugi had to admit, Yami had a point. As far as he could tell, the only thing the movie had going for it was shirtless Malik. (And shirtless Rashid, Keith, Duke...)

Endless parade of spray-tanned pecs and CGI abs aside, this movie was even more pointless than the last one. It really was nothing but filler; if they'd skipped over the third book and gone right for the final installment ( _Shattering Eos)_ , he doubted anyone but the die-hardest of die-hard Ai-hards would even have noticed.

　

\-------------------

　

Even with the script in hand, no one starring in it can figure out what happens in this movie, because nothing does. So, they all go and Google themselves to see what the fans are getting up to. This quickly proves to be a mistake.

First, they stumble upon a fan fiction archive and see gems like this:

　

His Dark Cravings » by atemusluver69 reviews

Bela is exactly Atemu's brand of heroin. he cant resist belas blood or his body! I suck at summeries!! Drabble.

Tasogare Ai - Fiction Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 55,571 - Reviews: 1664 - Updated: 10-1-10 - Published: 1-29-09 - - Bela/Atemu - Complete

　

my love lives evr young » by 4biddenfruitsbasket reviews

Who needs Bela when you can have Mariku?! r&r

Tasogare Ai - Fiction Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,106 - Reviews: 71 - Updated: 1-22-10 - Published: 1-22-10- - Atemu/Mariku

\---------------------------

Then there was going to be some 'shipping wars, fandom wank, and maybe a bit of meta. Also a meme or two.

As befitting a parody of a movie where nothing memorable happens, nothing happens in this fic.

　

\--------------------------

**Shattering Eos (Or, as I like to call it, Breaking Brains)**

　

Not Exactly Grey's Anatomy

( _Yami is reading the final installments of the manga_...)

"Wait. I chew through his _what_?!"

　

Your Reality Check Just Bounced

( _Later, on the set for a run-through of_ THAT _scene_...)

Yami stared down at Yugi's bare abdomen. "Do you even _have_ a--?"

"NO!"

"Just checking."

Yugi hit him. Hard.

\-------------------------

　

Joey gives Yugi a gag-gift: a sparkly white teddy bear (with glued-on fangs and yellow eyes) to "stand in" for the "baby" while Yugi and Yami are rehearsing.

They end up giving it a horrifying "smushed up" name (a la Renesmee), but Yugi refuses to call it anything but SparkleSpawn.

　

Breaking News at Dawn

Yugi stared at the headline, which screamed (in 16-point bold font): **_Tasogare Ai_ Star Expecting Bundle of Joy?** He turned his traumatized expression on his lover. "Er, they do realize I'm a _guy_ , right?"

"It's the _National Busybody_ , Yugi. No one in their right mind takes that rag seriously."

"Have you _met_ our fans, Yami? They bring the crazy."

Yami's own eyes went wide. Yugi had a point. "...Fuck."

"No, thanks. According to this article, that's what got me into this mess in the first place."

Yami stared at him in horror until Yugi cracked and starting snickering. Yami's eyes narrowed. "Oh, you are _so_ paying for that one."

He picked up the sparkly teddy bear and made a spirited attempt to pummel Yugi into submission with it.

Yugi warded off the furry assault with a yelped, "Hey! That's no way to treat the bearer of your child!"

"Speaking of batshit insane..." With a final swat at Yugi's head, Yami tossed the bear aside and flopped onto his back on the bed. "You're quite mad. You do know that, right?"

"Nah, just mildly annoyed."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

An unrepentant grin lit up Yugi's face as he leaned over his lover. "You know you love me."

"Yeah." With a grin of his own, Yami pulled him down for a kiss. "I do."

\-------------------

Additional Cast Members:

Jane = Rebecca

Aro = Dartz

Alice = Mana

Jacob = Malik (Mariku)

Mike = Joey

Laurent = Johnny Steps

Carlisle = Mahaad

Esme = Isis (Ishizu)

Emmet = Bandit Keith

Rosalie = Vivian

Jasper = Karim

\---------------------------------

The End Credit "Where are they now?" Montage

　

There was a happy ending planned for Yami and Yugi, of course. They completed the films they were under contract for, then vowed never to have anything to do with vampires or glitter ever again (okay, the glitter thing was mostly Yami).

Yami decided to get out of the movie business and go back to school to complete his degree. Eventually, he married Yugi and moved to Domino City so Yugi could be near his family. They adopted a white terrier named SparkleSpawn.

Joey went on to land a two season role on a zombie apocalypse comedy show on Syfy.

Malik never did find his shirt.

THE END

　

　

　


	2. Deleted Scenes for MLaaTV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of very short "deleted scenes" from the first fic in the series.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found these snippets in an old notebook that had been stuck in a closet for a couple of years. Since I never got around to typing them up (before now), I'd forgotten I even wrote them!

Deleted Scenes for the "Not-Quite Twilight Saga" series

 

_The first snippet is set early in MLaaTV, with Bakura introducing Yami to the filming location, which is somewhere in the Pacific Northwest. Incidentally, my notes tell me that I named the town where they're filming "Sporks," but I don't think that's ever explicitly stated in the fic._

　

"Welcome to the ass-end of nowhere!" Bakura sounded far too awake and cheerful for so early in the morning. (It figured that someone of his level of evil was a morning person.)

Yami cracked open one sleep-deprived eye and glanced around. The ass-end of nowhere was _very green_.

\-----o0o----

_This scene was supposed to be a pre-start-of-filming conversation between Yugi, Joey, and Tristan from early in MLaaTV. While writing the actual opening scenes, I changed things so much that this exchange no longer fit._

　

"So, who's playing the lead vampire?" Tristan asked.

"It's that guy."

"Oh, that guy." Tristan's voice dripped with enough sarcasm to leave a puddle on the floor. "Wasn't he in that movie?"

Joey shoved him. "Shut up. I mean the one in that movie based on the card game."

"Oh, that's much clearer." Tristan shoved him right back.

" _Monsters and Magic_? _Monsters and Wizards_? Something like that."

"Oh! Yeah, I remember those. Which one was he in?"

"Uh, the one with the big tournament thingy."

"Joey, it's a movie series based on a card game. They _all_ have 'tournament thingies.'"

"No, he's right," Yugi piped up. "The movies all have _duels_ , but only one of them has a big tournament thingy. Uhm... _Chalice of Flame_ , I think."

"That's the one!" Joey snapped his fingers. "He was the dude who cacked it when the big bad zapped him."

"Bummer."

　


End file.
